Remember when your baby was just a bundle of joy that couldn’t roll over, crawl, or talk back? Ah, those were the days—when keeping up meant making sure they didn’t roll off the couch. But blink, and suddenly they’re sprinting through milestones like they’re in a developmental triathlon, and you’re just trying to keep up without pulling a hamstring! Welcome to the wild world of parenting, where every day is a new race, and just when you think you’ve found your pace, your kid hits a growth spurt and leaves you in the dust. So lace up those running shoes, folks; it’s time to chase down that ever-elusive finish line of keeping up with your child’s ever-changing needs!
Let me help you keep pace with your child as they mature. In the book The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting, Dr. Laurence Steinberg (Steinberg, L. (2004). The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks. https://content.byui.edu/file/4de04ca1-9da9-4b75-bfd2-1a87b913a12a/1/Parenting.pdf ) shares what he has found helpful when trying to adapt your parenting to fit your child's needs.
Adjust your parenting to your child's development
Your children are unique - don’t treat them the same
Have patience during developmental transitions
Your changing roles as a parent
So…Tie your shoes, stretch, and get hydrated!
Dr Steinberg (2004) said, “Good parenting is flexible, and it needs to be tailored to fit
with our child’s stage of development” (p.66).
Adjust your parenting to your child's development
Our children are not only changing physically, their minds are changing too. The way they
think and feel. What they are capable of. The way they think about themselves. And the way
they relate to others and you, their parent. Steinberg (2004) suggests “make it a point to learn
about each stage of development that your child goes through before your child gets there”
(p. 67). Your 10-12 month-old baby will have some anxiety and fear of strangers don’t hand
them off to Aunt Betty you haven’t seen in 2 years and get frustrated because your baby is
fussing. Your 4-year-old won’t like to share with others and be moody. Don’t expect a play
date to go without problems. Your teenager's internal biological clock is out of wack don’t
expect them to be up bright and early Saturday morning ready for chores. See more about
milestones and development HERE (Stanborough, R.J. (2019, Dec). Ages and stages: How to Monitor Child Development. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/childrens-health/stages-of-child-development)
Your children are unique - don’t treat them the same
How many times have you heard your child say “But Jonny gets to do it, why can’t I? That’s
not fair!” Well, Jonny is 12 years older than you and has different needs. My 10-year-old gets
upset because her older sisters get to stay up a little longer than she does however, the
bedtime routine is the same for all. Steinberg (2004) said, “...basic principles of good parenting
apply to all children. But the way these principles are put into practice should be tailored to
your child’s age, personality, interests, and circumstances. You shouldn’t change any of the
fundamentals, but you should tinker with them according to your child’s personal characteristics”
(p.74). He continues by saying, “ It’s perfectly fine to establish slightly different rules for different
children in the same household, so long as you explain why, and so long as the ways that the
rules vary are based on real differences between the child that genuinely warrant dissimilar
treatment” (p.75). Help your child figure out their unique talents. Help them pursue and develop
their interests.
Have patience during developmental transitions
Patience is essential when training for a triathlon. Building endurance takes time. Rushing could
cause injuries, poor technique, and burnout. Patience allows you to develop the physical and
mental strength needed to handle the demands of a triathlon AND a developing child. Your
child's development will not be a gradual straightforward motion. Why would it be, that would be
way too easy. Instead, you’re going to experience spurts - periods of rapid development and
“quiet” periods in between - “sprinting and then resting and recovering, sprinting, resting and
recovering” (Steinberg, 2004, p. 78). These times will be the most challenging. Watch for major
shifts between 2-3 years, 6, 12, and 16. Watch for any in-between as well. Steinberg (2004)
said, “one day it may seem as if your child has achieved some important physical, intellectual,
or emotional milestones, such as potty training, but the next day it looks as if he’s lost it” (p.79They aren’t losing it. It’s just the way they are developing. Be flexible and understanding.
Your changing roles as a parent
Just like a triathlon has different stages - swim, bike, run - your role as a parent has different
stages. You adjust with each stage. Think of the swimming portion as early childhood. You
control everything, keeping them safe and teaching life’s basics. The biking stage is middle
childhood. They’re gaining independence but still rely on your guidance. The running stage is
the teenage years. They take control, while you coach and support from the sidelines. You
learn to share decision-making rather than making decisions for them. It’s important to not “hold
on to your own youth by treating your child as if he isn’t really growing up” (Steinberg, 2004,p. 82).
This will be the hardest thing you will have to do but it will be the most important.
This is going to be about endurance, resilience, and knowing when to let them take the lead as they
race toward their own future. You may even cross that finish line together.
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